Paradise
Hotel Recap Episode 17, Week 10, Monday 08-18-03
Hotel Paradizzle.
Why
is there a disclaimer? “Due to some sexual
content, parental discretion is advised.”
I
haven’t quite figured out the sexual content
on Paradise Hotel, unless a gal licking whipped cream
off a hairy guy’s chest qualifies as sexual content.
Go figure! It’s all innuendo and no real action.
Dramatic Voiceover Guy:
Previously
on Paradise Hotel – Casino Night spun
into paradise and control of the hotel was at stake.
The
man with the most cash would get the power to vote
another man
off. With the pressures of winning Alex & Kristin
resorted to cheating.
Charla
put on the sexy moves for Keith. Even a sponge bath
offer
from Charla didn’t quite lure Keith
as he rejected her advances.
Things
were heating up for Scott and Holly. Holly accepted
Scott’s offer to “take a shower”.
No doubt they both had their swimsuits on.
Tom
had everyone talking about his strange ways. So the
guy talks to
his stanky stuffed monkey and wears
women's clothes... what’s so strange about that?
The
alliance between the originals was crumbling. Alex
notes that the whole originals thing is like a sinking
boat. He profoundly notes it should be abandoned.
Beau
plays both sides on the boat. Beau is put on the
spot by Keith and Tom as they went deep sea fishing.
Alex
and Kristin formed an uneasy partnership with the alliance
of the
new guests. Behind Amy’s back they
set forth a secret plan to elimidate Beau.
Dave
had the power and chose Amy as his roommate thereby
elimating
Beau. Beau says “you’ll be sorry
dude... these people here are pathetic.” Sore loser.
Beau
left paradise with a bitter message for the other
guests. No one really paid much attention, much less
remembers what he said.
Despite
not having understood what Beau said, Kristin profoundly
says ”That was the most insulting exit
I have ever seen”.
Amy
confronts the gang and Kristin in particular and rambles
on about
how she was totally misled and that
she didn’t appreciate it at all. OK. Thanks for
your two cents Amy. You’re the next to go.
The
alliance of the remaining originals was left at each
others throats. Amy hits bottom.
OK, on to the episode.
Monkey boy Tom jumps in the pool. Tara laughs. She helps
Tom float in the pool.
Alex says the mood has changed. A flashback to Toni terrorizing
Keith. Keith aptly responds “Why are you yelling
at me”.
Just goes to show that even though Toni is gone from
paradise forever we are still going to be forever haunted
with Toni and Zack flashbacks. Nobody checks out of paradise
forever.
Alex points out that since there was such an overwhelming
majority of people that wanted Beau gone, that nobody
was upset when he got elimated. He says that things got
a little more relaxed and fun.
Sure
Alex you lucked out and are still there and can relax
until
another eposide comes along that will eliminate
one of the guys. You’re at the top of the list
of most likely to depart.
New roomie Tara chases around monkey boy Tom and tries
to pull off his towel but he escapes unharmed into the
bathroom.
Amy
weeps. Boo hoo. Now that Toni is gone (except of course
in
flashbacks) Amy is the one to cry on camera.
She misses Zack who appears in a flashback or two. She
says “I don’t know what to do”.
In
all likelyhood Amy is the next one to go. Nobody likes
her. And why
should they. She’s acted like
a spoiled mean spirited rich kid. Whiny.
It’s bathroom time again for Keith and Charla.
She chases Keith around taunting him. She pretends that
he thinks she is too tall for him, baiting Keith to say
no. He tells her it is not the tallness but her attitude
that she should worry about. In typical Elimidate fashion
the rejected Charla says “you couldn’t handle
me” and they both chuckle.
Charla loves taunting Keith but when push comes to shove
she is only a tease. But you have to admire Keith for
not taking her bait and thereby avoiding any possible
rejection by Charla. And I get that feeling that she
would enjoy rejecting Keith. What a game player. Mind
games.
Charla walks away with hear open jeans revealing a peek
at her underwear. (Is that why they had a disclaimer?
You see more than that down at the mall).
Scott
asks Holly for a back rub and gets it. But since this
is
paradise we only get to see it obscured by a
strategically placed stack of pillows on the bed (5 pillows
to be exact). They’re doing something but they
both still have their clothes on.
Holly
plays a mind game and asks Scott if he is excited about
a
new girl coming on. He stumbles but says “no”.
He follows cleverly with “I’ve already got
my new girl”. Way to go sailor! One step closer
to scoring.
In a moment that reeked of being scripted Charla whips
out the EX PICTURE (in a big ole frame) and taunts Keith
with it. How much torture does Keith have to go through
before he gets some action from Charla?
Keith
yawns as Charla shows Keith the picture of her ex.
Think
about this now.... how low is your self-esteem
when you have to resort to breaking out a picture of
your EX – note that I said EX. Not as in current
boyfriend, but as in a past boyfriend. Get over it Charla
he’s your friggin’ ex.
Charla
tells Keith of her EX’s big shoe size and
intimates that her boyfriends' manlihood was big to match.
Keith laughs but not with her – AT HER. They play
on the bed. Charla keeps asking Keith to stop. In a moment
of reckless frolick Keith accidentally breaks the glass
on the frame of the picture of Charla’s ex. Ooops.
Charla calls Keith a jerk.
Keith
knows that he won’t get any off of Charla.
That is why he plays with her. She is messing with him
so he messes back with her.
If
I were Keith and were really lookin’ to bag
some I would select Kristin as a roomie.
The gang is now sitting down on that comfy couch so
it must be time for something...
Our dashing host Amanda appears and tells that it is
time to select a new guest.
And here is a novel concept. They get to choose from
2 women that did not make the cut in the past. Hmmm...
why would they do this? 2 rejects compete for a 2nd chance
on paradise... OK, whatever.
First up the flashbacks...
24
year old massage therapist (I couldn't make this up
any better!) from Las Vegas its Desiree
They show flashbacks from their first attempts to join
the cast.
Desiree
proclaims “I
wanna be the hot fudge sundae that cools you boys down."
OK.
Lauren
the 21 year old bartender from Texas. We are treated
with
a flashback to where her blouse burst open
unexpectedly (don’t worry – you couldn’t
see anything anyways).
Both girls come out and sit in tall chairs and are asked
a few questions by host Amanda. The girls give their
respective two cents.
The
women are hauled off and the guys get to talk to the
girls
alone (as the ladies watch on a monitor). Dave
gets to dance with Lauren. They do some really bad dancing
as the gang yells “go Dave”.
Desiree
gives Keith a butt massage. But it’s more
like a butt pounding. Is it just me or was that un-sexy
or what?
Desiree
answers a snide question and says, “if
you don’t pick me I’ll know that you were
afraid of me”, or something like that, followed
by a maniacal laugh. Feisty Desiree.
The girls have to vote one by one to select from the
2 rejects.
Charla
votes for Desiree. Kristin chooses Desiree. Holly – Lauren.
Tara chooses Desiree.
Desiree gets enough of the girls votes and is the reject
who will be the new guest on Hotel Paradizzle.
Personally I was disappointed as Lauren was the better
looker of the two. She was showing off some sexy cleavage
and had a nice flat tummy. Oh well. Desiree is our new
guest.
Desiree will pick her roommate the next day but for
now gets to spend some time with the guests of Paradise
Hotel. The customary hugs and hoots and hollers although
Charla appears to dozing off... yawn yawn.
Suddenly
it is the next morning and we hear Desiree say to a
crying
Amy “What’s wrong?”
The two girls exchange words but it difficult to pay
attention to Amy. More flashbacks of Zack on the surveillance
cam.
Amy
tells Desiree that she is not a drama queen. Yeah,
right...
We are treated to flashbacks of Amy’s
moments of anger. She sure is one sour puss.
Meanwhile
Alex conspires to get rid of Amy with Kristin. Amy
proclaims “It's all about who can kiss the
best ass”.
Keith and Charla are going at it again in the bathroom.
Charla tells us that Keith is annoying her.
Dave
and Tom are playing tennins while the group watches.
Desiree
suggests strip tennis but then follows with “you
guys” that is playing strip tennis...
Desiree
taunts Tom with “my little monkey boy” comments
as they play tennis. Tom flashes his butt (it’s
pixelated of course – hate to have to look at Tom’s
crack after all).
Tom tells us about his monkey and displays it proudly
on camera. Tara offers that Smokey grabbed her boob earlier.
We
are subliminally reminded that the monkey may be kidnapped
sometime
in the near future. Remember now – we
need to destroy that monkey, not just hide it in a clothes
hamper...
We get to see some of that Desiree cleavage while Tom
rants on about Smokey. The guests appear to be having
fun.
Again we are in the bathroom with Keith and Charla.
Charla is teasing Keith and working on lowering his self
esteem at the same time she is fondling his chest (a
figure of speech).
Keith
grabs Charla and picks her up and we see some pixelation
in her butt crack area so maybe something
was showing there. But don’t worry we didn’t
get to see it.
Charla is soon telling us that she is not attracted
to Keith but we soon see them frolicking on the bed.
Frolicking as in playful banter. Keith wants to know
why Amy is still so mean to him.
Another
grainy Zack flashback of him in bed with Amy. They
just can’t
get enough of giving us more of Zack. He may be gone
but he is not forgotten...
Did ya ever notice that all the flashbacks are in black
and white? And there are a lot of flashbacks.
Keith
talks to the camera and tells us that Charla’s
abeautifull girl and that he is not an idiot and that
she’s just playing the game.
Keith
is taking it realistically and playing it more like
a game. That's
the only reason he is putting up
with Charla’s teasing.
Keith
tells Charla she is a flirt. She says “I
am not.” Oh ... O.K. She really doesn’t get
it.
It’s
toast time and Dave is toasting the newest guest Desiree.
Suddenly Dave is suggesting that Desiree
have a house warming party. The gang is once again hooting
and hollering.
There’s
a party at Desirees' and the bizz is on. Desiree’s
room is decorated. They mock a bad guest list situation
as the gang files into Desiree’s
room. Desiree stuffs a dollar in her shirt. The gang
parties and the whipped cream comes out. Suddenly the
licking is going on. Tara bites Alex’s nipple.
Tom sprays a line of whipped cream down his stomach towards
his crotch and Kristin licks it all up. Mysteriously
she didn’t find monkey boy’s zipper.
Next
morning Charla reveals that she doesn’t have
any desire to talk to anyone. What else would we expect?
Another
warning on the TV screen. “Due to some
sexual content parental discretion is advised.”
OK.
I’m sure we won’t
see anything but pixelated butt crack areas anyways....
Dave reveals to the camera that Charla is the most beautiful
person there. Soon he is pledging to Charla 100% trust
in Charla till the very end.
Tara
and Keith discuss waxing Keith’s chest. The
two share a hate for hair. Tara tells Keith that she
shaves her arms. He laughs at her.
Tara drills Keith asking if he would pick Kristin or
her at roommate selection. He is perplexed and makes
it known that would never be an issue. Kinda dumb for
Tara to come out with that one. Keith caught that. It
raised the question of whether Tara would be loyal to
Keith.
Dave and Charla have a tender moment. Rather Dave is
having a tender moment and Charla is listening.
Charla tells Dave she wants to go home. Nothing here
matters. Dave is hurt. We are reminded with flashbacks
that Dave has been dissed before. Dave storms away. Right
on dude. Figure it out.
Keith and Tara play around and enjoy a waxing session.
Tom comes in and asks if Keith is out of his mind for
waxing his chest.
Dave
is ordering up a special meal for Charla but is no
doubt getting
it wrong. Almost sure that Charla wouldn’t
like it.
Dave
sends Charla over some ice cream with a note about
the dinner.
But Charla doesn’t want fried steak
damn it.
Keith tells us that Tom has a thing for Desiree. But
will she pick Keith?
Roommate selection time.
Host Amanda explains that Desiree gets to select a roommate
and that one of the ladies will go to the solo room on
her own.
Desiree selects her roommate – it’s Tom,
the monkey boy! Wow! That means Tara is in the solo
room.
Desiree
gets a note and reads it. Tomorrow night the gang will
choose
a king and queen. Desiree will try her “damn
hardest to win this game”.
Dave
tells us how excited he is about the kings and queens
competition.
He can’t wait. Bring it on.
End of episode.
OK,
a few notes here. It seem like the producer's are resorting
to exceptionally cliche scenes. It seems like they
coach the guests and then we get a sleazy cliche moment.
It just doesn't seem to cut the mustard. There are
moments
when I actually feel uncomfortable watching the ultra
cheezy stuff that be goin' down. But that could just
be me.
Next
episode we get to watch them eliminate a female guest.
I can only hope that it is Amy.
Have
you read the recap for the next episode?
Episode 18 recap Weds. 8-20-03
Be
sure to bookmark us so you can come back and see
what shit we sling at the Paradise Hotel guests in
episode recaps to come!
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