The Paradise Casino
The
morning after the Casino Night, Dave schemes to get
the others to give him their money so he can be the
one to vote someone off... Basically Dave played this
out perfectly as he led the others to trust that he’d
be the BEST MAN for the job to vote someone off.
Dave
gets sweaty whenever he gets into that stressed out
competitive mode. The gambling contest in the previous
episode was no exception. He got uptight about some comments
that were being made while they were gambling and he
asked for an apology. To his credit he got one (I think).
Dave has always seemed to be the least likely to get
any respect, but now it seems he is gettin’ some.
They still like to pick on him, but in the end it seems
Dave is getting more respect.
Speaking
of Dave.... The on again off again Charla and Dave
pinky pact mysteriously drifts in space aimlessly
stumping anyone trying to figure out exactly where Charla
stands. She dissed Dave in the early episodes but now
seems to be following Dave’s lead most of the time.
She’s so damn pretty (my favorite babe at the Blotel),
but every once in a while she comes off as weak and
somewhat like an airhead. Hmmm... maybe that’s
what I like about her. She sure is cute!
It
was surprising to see Charla give Dave her gambling
money before the casino contest even started (in the
previous episode). Everybody else seemed to have held
onto his or her money until later. It’s hard to
peg where Charla stands on Dave. It was interesting to
see Charla’s true self come out in an earlier episode
when she was loaded on champagne and spewing on about
how she thought Tom was cute, sort of. She was really
playin’ it, but with the haze of champagne pulling
out her true inner thoughts. The real Charla. The best
path to honesty is champagne.
Tom, the new guy has turned out to be a real nut cake.
By the way, I was surprised when they kept plugging in
previous episodes that the new guy would be a blast from
their past, and it turned out to be Tom. I was certain
that it was going to be Zack returning to Paradise. Think
about how that would have thrown everybody a curve...
But
it turned out to be dorky Tom. The monkey man. I’m
glad it wasn’t Zack, but this Tom guy gives me
the heeby jeebies. Something about him is unsettling.
But hey – better than mindless egotistical Zack.
Keith
and Beau join Tom on a boating trip. They had won the
bowling tournement and are therefor Tom’s
guests. That was another sweaty Dave moment. Poor guy
couldn’t win the bowling tournement. So it’s
Deep Sea Fishing with Tom, Keith and Beau. Or at least
cruising in a boat with the boys. They gossip about the
guests. Beau came off as slimey. He talks too much for
his own good. He talks too fast for his brain. He didn’t
seem to notice it but Keith was playin’ him and
even got Beau to admit that he had it in for Keith. Shady.
Beau was digging his own grave. You can tell that he
has sour grapes about a lot of things. He has pretty
much fallen out of favor with the remaining originals.
Good.
Scott
and Holly play in bed. More like slumber party play,
but hey, the candles could come out at any time
and provoke some kinky wax burning teasery. Scott wants
to do a little spanking but an embarrassed Holly doesn’t
take the bait.
Scott
and Holly seem to be an item. It’s hard
to tell with the Paradise Blotel editing. They make it
seem like some real nasty shit be goin’ down on
the island but in reality it’s all pillow fights
and mud wrestling. No real swingin’ if ya know
what I mean... I have yet to see any used condom wrappers
laying about. Then again I think Zack actually nailed
Amy early on in the season... Maybe he didn't use a condom.
Keith
is the coolest of the guests. He has balls (for booting
Toni and Zack and standing up to Amy) and he
has a good temperment. He’s cool under pressure.
And he is playing the game well. Picking his allies wisely.
Charla jealously asks Keith about Tara. Keith wisely
just brushes it off.
All
this time I kept thinking about who would be better
to go – Beau or Alex... On the one hand Alex is
a cheater. He should be castrated for that. But then
again Beau is slimey. He gives off a strong negative
vibe.
In
any event poor Tom is all alone with his monkey while
Holly is teasing Scott. But it’s all good. Even
a lap dance is cool, even though it’s just a tease.
Holly is like a lap dance. But hey – maybe they
really are getting it on between edits.
Also
speaking of teasing... Charla taunts Keith constantly.
He is pretty smart though and resists going for the bait
most of the time. He’s playing it smart so that
he doesn’t get disrespected on national TV. Charla
is just waiting for the opportunity to tell him to STOP!
Then again, I could be wrong.
Kristin
got cornered and was asked if she had cheated at Casino
night. She played it up in her typical conceited
dumb way by rationalizing it as stealing – not
cheating. I didn’t cheat – I stole! OK, big
difference... Hmmmm..... Good way to get more respect
girlfriend! But then again she has such a great pair
of fake tits that everybody lets her bad behavior slide
just like usual. Maybe it’s her wicked tan....
Whatever it is – even though Kristin is slimey
and untrustworthy and manipulating – she has to
get props for looking so damn fine. And hey – what’s
so unusual anyways about a hot chick being manipulative?
The
crew schemes about getting rid of Beau. They diss on
him and are falling right into Dave’s hands.
Dave plays everyone perfectly by letting them know that
they need to give their money to someone who will do
the right thing... What thing he didn’t exactly
say. But they all get lured in and take it how they want
it to be. Dave is getting much respect. He has become
the most interesting player.
Funny,
but originally Dave came off as such a dufus when he
first entered the game. It was certain he’d
be dumped off the hotel... but somehow he had staying
power. Despite being despised he did mange to get some
trust. Very commendable Dave.
Dave
and Amy have a pow wow. They are talking and Tara pops
by to say hi but is greeted with the wrath of Amy.
Amy basically tells Tara to split and she does. Amy surprises
us by saying she wanted Scott off next. She could have
easily told Dave that she wanted Keith off. But I’ll
give Amy at least a little credit for knowing that it
wasn’t
a good idea to tell Dave that.
Of
all the characters at the Blotel Amy is the one I despise
most (now that Toni is gone – she was at
the top of my shit list before that). Amy is a dirt bag.
She is so mean spirited and her true bad self has been
coming out a lot lately. She can’t seem to keep
her big fat mouth shut. In her weakness she is fooling
herself by getting all bitchy and threatening. It’s
amusing to see how well Keith handles her shit “I’m
not scared of you!”. You go Keith. Dish it back
to Amy. And hey – Amy is not hot. Another reason
not to like her. Plus she is buddy buddy with Beau and
he believes her shit. I hope Amy is the next casualty
at Paradise Hotel.
Amy
confronts Tara about busting in on her conversation
with Dave. In her typical confusing way Amy lays it on
Tara about how she disliked her eavesdropping. You would
expect Tara to lash back and give Amy shit but Tara takes
it like a champ. You have to admit Tara has a good temperment
and is pretty good at sizing up situations. Tara knew
it’d be better to let Amy talk her shit and get
it off her chest (what little there is). Tara doesn’t
quite let Amy have the total satisfaction of being right
and blows away saying she didn’t care. Right on
Tara! Don’t let Amy get off on her mean spirited
ways.
Amy’s frustration stems from far more than just
wimpering about Zack and Toni being gone. She has deep
emotional problems. And the pressure at the Blotel is
getting to her. Her true self is coming out. And that
true self is one lacking in self-confidence. Amy is the
kind of person that talks extra loud because she wants
everyone to listen to her talking. The old “look
at me” syndrome. What a loser.
Tara
on the other hand is very even tempered and rational.
She’s cute too. Doesn’t go out of her way
to confront anybody. Kind of flies low under the radar.
Smart gal. But shifty nonetheless. Not to be trusted,
but pretty darn good lookin’.
Keith
and Dave discuss who should go next while Charla is
primping herself in the bathroom. She demands that
Dave fill her in on their talk and Keith suggests that
Charla be walkin’ all over Dave. Dave confronts
Charla and tells her he thinks she is trampling on him.
Charla plays Dave for the schmuck he is and tells him
what he wants to hear. He asks for a huggy. A hug for
Dave would have sealed the deal (could Charla handle
touching Dave’s skin...) But Charla did not give
up the hug. Nothing like a hug amongst friends, eeh?
Oh well Dave. Be wary of your pinky pact.
Tom’s
monkey doll is in danger. Who will kidnap the teddy
bear? If I can make a suggestion – please
do something fun to it – like soak it in lighter
fluid and ignite it. Don’t just settle for hiding
it in a clothes hamper... I’d say about the only
way that new guy Tom will ever get interesting on this
show is if someone really sticks it to his playmate.
The gorier the better! Any way to work in a turd perhaps???
You’ll just have to tune in and see.... the monkey
WILLL be disprespected (as it should).
And
now it’s time for the box. Pandora’s
Box.
Will
Dave get put on the spot again... wait – Toni’s
gone so the pressure is off...
New
monkey boy Tom gets a question... Who be playin’ da
game da most? He actually handles it fairly well and
says Dave. This time Dave can smile and accept the honors
as Toni isn’t around to get all bug eyed and nasty.
Dave feels flattered. Doll boy Tom also says Tara is
the female playa du jour. Tara is perplexed, but that
may be strategy.
Beau
gets a question and stumbles in typical Beau fashion.
Dumb and plodding he tries to weasel out of his previous
desire to get rid of Keith and Alex. He thinks he says
something profound. Naturally it does not connect with
the group. OK, if it were me I’d divert attention
to the monkey doll instead of getting all holy and shit.
Holly
has to fend a question about running off on monkey
boy Tom to play with Scott’s nipples (or something
like that). She handles it admirably. After all who could
spend any time in a room with a guy who dry humps a cuddly
monkey doll??? It may be cuddly but please.... wash that
doll!
Beau is getting neurotic. Could it be because he has
become the outcast... Dave is playing Beau. Beau hopes
that he can trust Dave. Dave gives him what he wants
to hear. Beau is as gullable as he is dumb.
Dave gets all the casino money. Dave is feeling powerful.
And rightly so because he has conned everybody into believing
he will do the dirty deed that no one else has the guts
to do. Funny thing is that Dave never really says who
he is going to get rid of if he gets the money. Smart
guy. His man boobs are getting smaller all the time.
Now
that Dave has all that casino money burning a hole
in his pocket it is time to decide who he will give
the
boot to. Kristin and Alex think that Dave will set Beau
free. Amy doesn’t know but she gives her cash to
Alex which ends up with Dave. Keith is in a good position
because he knows that Dave will not boot him and that’s
all he needs to know. He dares Dave to get rid of Alex.
But Dave doesn’t commit.
It’s
amazing when you think about how Dave got the money
from just about everybody. He became the most
trusted dude in Paradise. Way to go dude!
All
this time the tension builds because even though Alex
and Kristin gave Dave the money, deep down Dave is
angry about them cheating.
Monkey
Man Tom is wearing Tara’s gold dress. And
looking smashing I may add... A menage a trois with the
monkey anyone? What is that boy thinking? Another case
of “LOOK AT ME – NOTICE ME!”
Good
samaritan Dave convinces Tom to abandon the dress.
Tara is disappointed. She wanted to see him humiliate
himself.
Oh well. Maybe
another time (if he lasts long enough... then again Tom
is so unthreatening maybe he will last a while...)
And
now it's roommate selection time... Who has the most
casino cash and will get to be the eliminator? Why
it’s
(gasp!) Dave! Dave has the most casino money and the
power to get
rid
of whichever
dude he chooses. But
first let’s see who the other Blotel guests select
for roommates.
First off Alex goes to Kristin who glows with self-praise.
If Dave picks Kristin Alex will get the boot.
Monkey boy Tom picks Amy... ugh... I guess Tom knew
that Dave would unlikely pick Amy, because after all
who could put up with Amy as a roommate. Smart move.
But
wait... Beau picks Amy as well. Uh oh.... you just
never know what will happen in paradise! (By the way
- where exactly is Paradise Hotel???)
Scott selects Holly. OK. No chance that Dave will knock
off Scott.
Keith
selects Charla. She gloats with her trademark prom
queen half cry look. I guess that means that Dave
can’t pick Charla as he’d never boot Keith.
Now
the moment of truth... SInce Amy has two dudes (who’d
have thunk it?) she must pick one of the two guys – Beau
or Tom. She picks Beau which forces Tom to room with
Tara. Tara isn’t too happy about getting paired
with the monkey humper.
At
this point I was thinking that Dave had it tough...
He could room with Amy (argh) and bump Beau or room with
Kristin and bump Alex. I thought he might go with Kristin
for after all who in their right mind could put up with
Amy as a roommate...
Dave
is on the spot. He does a little monologue and for
a second I feel that Alex may get the boot. At least
Dave would get to room with Kristin if he bumped Alex
the cheater. Maybe he’d
even get a chance to touch Kristin's fake tits (at the
very least see her naked). Tempting, eeh??? I’d
have gone with Kristin (who’d want to see Amy
naked?) But hey - this game is about strategy - not
about copping
a cheap feel on some pumped up boobs, right? I guess
I'm the wrong person to ask about that...
In
a moment of drama Dave selects Amy bumping Beau to
leave Paradise forever... Dude! You’re stuck with
Amy now. Argh! Paradise will not be paradise with this
sourpuss as a roomie (and she never shows skin – yes
I know – who’d want to see Amy naked anyways).
Amy
is choked up. Beau is Beau. He rambles on about trust
and shit but nobody really cares what he is saying.
Just sour grapes for being booted. Kind of like when
girls get “elimidated” on Elimidate. The
losers always say something like “I wasn’t
attracted to him anyways”. You know the drill.
And all the while they were flashing their boobs and
crying for attention. Pick me! Sore losers.
Poor
Beau. Poor boring Beau will no longer bore us with
his ramblings. His confusion and inner turmoil will
no
longer spoil the Paradise guest roster’s feel good
antics.
Now
all we need to do is burn Monkey Boy’s doll
and then give him the boot and we’ll be on our
way to a good roster of guests. Oh and let’s get
rid of Amy. If I have to see one more tough girl shootout
with her I’ll puke.
By
now it should be apparent to the guests – Amy
has bad karma. Anyone that gets friendly with Amy gets
dumped. Coincidence? NOT!
Beau charges off with a sour puss rant and clicks his
heels on the way out of paradise. Pathetic. Loser. Get
over it. Goodbye Beau. Amy you are next.
Dave
is now on the spot. He consoles Amy. Sorry I booted
your buddy! Hey Dave is smart – he’s trying
to soften Amy so his next stint with his new roomie isn’t
pure hell.
But
wait... Dave slips and tells Amy that Alex & Kristin
gave him money to dump Beau. Amy is all red again and
is suddenly cruising for a bruising. She confronts Kristin
and Alex and skates on thin ice as she yells at them
in her characteristic vague unintelligible way. She’s
mad but she knows that she needs them as allies. She
could have really gone off on them and do a royal pissy
fit but Amy surprisingly held back. Nonetheless she
is irritating
in her whining splendor. Did she hold back enough not
to be put on the “original’s” shit
list and possibly get booted next episode?
You’ll
just have to tune in and see what happens on the next
Paradise Blotel.
Be
sure to bookmark us so you can come back and see
what shit we sling at the Paradise Hotel guests in
episode recaps to come!
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